Fox executives are watching a television. It's the most recent 
               television reality hit, that Paris Hilton garbage. Now, the 
               sex tape...

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Wow, look at those ratings! It must 
                         be good!
                              (to lackey)
                         ORDER FIVE MORE VERSIONS.

               The lackey spills coffee over his hand as the Fox executive 
               grabbed him, and silently hollars in pain.

                                     LACKEY
                         But sir, people are calling in to 
                         tell us how stupid the show is. 
                         They're wondering when the perverbial 
                         car will crash.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Excuse me?

                                     LACKEY
                         You know. How people watch Nascar 
                         just so they see an accident?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         I'm not following.

                                     LACKEY
                         It's WHY we bought Nascar in the 
                         first place!

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         No. We bought it because it's EXCITING 
                         programming!

                                     LACKEY
                         It's people in cars driving around 
                         in circles sir.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Are you questioning me?!?

                                     LACKEY
                         No! No!
                              (to himself)
                         Although someone should.

               The Fox Executive looks at him.

                                     LACKEY (CONT'D)
                         Nothing sir. Nothing at all. There's 
                         nothing to see here. Hahahahaha.

               Two weeks later. The people are pleased by the graph of rising 
               numbers.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         2.


                                     LACKEY (CONT'D)
                         Uhmmm... people are calling us sir.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Can't you see I'm covered in success!?

                                     LACKEY
                         They're wondering when this pile of 
                         crap is going to be cancelled.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Cancelled?

                                     LACKEY
                         Yeah. Some guy even shouted W-T-F 
                         mate and ran away.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Why would we cancel our most 
                         successful program! Oh no, we're 
                         going to beat this into the ground. 
                         Beat this like I'd beat my wife!

                                     LACKEY
                         What are you going to do, make it a 
                         twenty four hour channel?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         GENIUS! YOU JUST MADE ME A 
                         MILLIONAIRE!

               People wind up on screen.

                                     PEOPLE #1
                         Please sign this paper saying you 
                         are not a genius and you never spoke.

               The lackey rolls his eyes, and shakes his head.

                                     PEOPLE #2
                         Awh. We have some cornbread.

               The Lackey shakes his head no.

                                     PEOPLE #2 (CONT'D)
                         It's for the best. This thing is 
                         like a Rock. See?

               The second guy knocks the first out with the cornbread.

                                     PEOPLE #2 (CONT'D)
                         Oh.... DID I DO THAT?!?!

               He laughs and snorts.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         3.


                                     PEOPLE #2 (CONT'D)
                         Ah... I remember that classic 
                         television show!
                              (pause)
                         You guys.  Keep up the good work! 

               He goes off to ponder.

                                     LACKEY
                         Sir, did you happen to take a look 
                         at the new pilots.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         I did. At least the one.

                                     LACKEY
                         I sent you five.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         This show called Firefly? I don't 
                         get it. And if I don't get it, no 
                         one will get it. Air the episodes 
                         that were made at the worst possible 
                         time slot in the history of bad 
                         timeslots and cancel production.

                                     LACKEY
                         Should I air it against Friends and 
                         Survivor sir?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         No, give it Friday nights sometime. 
                         I don't care when. In fact, give it 
                         the X-Files old time slot. That show 
                         was a success, maybe this show'll 
                         attract the same freaks who don't 
                         have dates or something.

                                     LACKEY
                         Excuse me, for being out of line 
                         sir, but if you found the pilot 
                         episode to be over your head, why 
                         did you option the script?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Well, it looked really cool. There 
                         were palm trees and koala bears.

               The lackey looks down.

                                     LACKEY
                         Sir, that's a coloring book.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         So shiny!

               Reveal : Coloring book.                                          *

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         4.


                                     LACKEY
                         And furthermore sir, you're supposed 
                         to STAY IN THE LINES!

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         It's called working outside the box. 
                         Maybe you should try it sometime. 
                         Maybe then you'll be in MY position!

               He starts gnawing on it.

                                     LACKEY
                         Sir, No! The book is not made for 
                         eating!

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Do I interrupt you while you are 
                         dining on something exquisite? I 
                         don't believe so!

                                     LACKEY
                              (to self)
                         Thanksgiving you forced me to drive 
                         18 miles to kill a cockroach.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         What? He was looking at me. I'm trying 
                         to eat and it's looking at me!

               Pan out to reveal his office, which is covered in pictures.

                                     LACKEY
                         Sir, are all these done by your son?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                              (confused)
                         Son?

               He gnaws on the book some more, as the Lackey just backs 
               off.

                                     LACKEY
                         Just nod your head, and slowly back 
                         away. Slowly!

               EXT. STREETS -- AFTERNOON

               The LACKEY is walking down the streets, head hung low, trying 
               to think. He's muttering to himself.

                                     LACKEY
                         I must find the next big thing. I 
                         mean, if I do that, I can finally 
                         surpass that oaf of a boss of mine.

               He bumps directly into someone, who's dressed in a sort of 
               shabby matter. Button shirt unbuttoned, black jeans. He's a 
               writer.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         5.


                                     WRITER
                         Can I just say how groosly 
                         inappropriate that was?

                                     LACKEY
                         Excuse me?

                                     WRITER
                         I mean, you didn't even say excuse 
                         me. Well, until just then, but that 
                         makes you late. Now you should be 
                         saying sorry instead.

                                     LACKEY
                         Uhmm... Sorry?

                                     WRITER
                         Much better.

               He turns to walk away, but the Lackey sees a script in his 
               hands.

                                     LACKEY
                         Hey, is that a script in your hands?

                                     WRITER
                         No. It's a script in my hand.

               Holds it up.

                                     WRITER (CONT'D)
                         See, I'm only holding it with one 
                         hand.

                                     LACKEY
                         My mistake. What's it about?

                                     WRITER
                         The end of civiliation as a whole.

               Lackey does a double take.

                                     LACKEY
                         That's... cheery.

                                     WRITER
                         It's a think piece about society 
                         told through the eyes of a small 
                         child. His innocence is shattered 
                         and he must wage through the storms 
                         of adult hood. I'm very proud of it.

                                     LACKEY
                         Are there explosions?

                                     WRITER
                         Ex... what?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         6.


                                     LACKEY
                         You know. Car go boom?

                                     WRITER
                         Why... no.

                                     LACKEY
                         Well... if you ever want your script 
                         to be bought, you might want to put 
                         something blowing up in it. It makes 
                         movie studio executives go... 
                         'Ooooo.... pretty.'

                                     WRITER
                         And how would you know?!

                                     LACKEY
                         Dude, I'm a lackey to one of the 
                         biggest television production 
                         companies alive. I'm basically the 
                         man who runs things, except every 
                         decision I make gets overturned by 
                         some blowheart who should be face up 
                         in a casket, because his mind is 
                         most DEFINITLY deceased.
                              (pause)
                         What's your script about anyway?

                                     WRITER
                         I told you before. You nixed it. But 
                         I have another idea. It's this tragic 
                         love story where this guy does crazy 
                         stunts of affection, but his love 
                         does not love him back in the 
                         slightest. He infact, hates him.

                                     LACKEY
                         He?

                                     WRITER
                         Yeah. You got a problem with it?

                                     LACKEY
                         Oh no. Not at all. I say I'm gay 
                         with glee all the time!
                              (Pause)
                         I just basically said I'm happy with 
                         happy there, huh?

                                     WRITER
                         Didn't notice.

                                     LACKEY
                         Right. Anyway, people won't go for 
                         it. They want a happy ending...
                              (light bulb)
                         Unless! Do you have a large ship 
                         setting sail on it's maiden voyage?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         7.


                                     WRITER
                         No...

                                     LACKEY
                         Hmmm. Can you have a large ship 
                         setting sail on it's maiden voyage?

                                     WRITER
                         No.

                                     LACKEY
                         Awh. But I like the ship!

                                     WRITER
                         Well, it wouldn't work. Listen, the 
                         thing you like most about a movie, 
                         when it's not working, is the thing 
                         you cut.

                                     LACKEY
                         We're not working out?

                                     WRITER
                         I'm not holding my breath.

                                     LACKEY
                         I bet my boss is.

               INT. BOARD ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               Cut to a wall. A tunnel is painted on it. There's a...

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Yeeeeeeeaaaaargh!

               And he smacks, face first into the wall. And falls down. A 
               noise goes "Meep, Meep," as the executive raises his shaking 
               fist in fury.

               EXT. STREETS -- CONTINUOUS

               The WRITER and LACKEY are discussing.

                                     LACKEY
                         Why don't you come back and pitch 
                         your ideas to the executive.

                                     WRITER
                         That would be great.  But I am NOT 
                         selling out.

                                     LACKEY
                         No, but you should buy some glitter.

                                     WRITER
                         Why?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         8.


               INT. BOARD ROOM -- LATER

               The FOX EXECUTIVE is touching the glittered scripts.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         ... Shiny...

               He begins to touch the Writer, who has glitter covering him.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1 (CONT'D)
                         Ever so shiny...

                                     WRITER
                         When I said I wouldn't sell out, 
                         this is exactly the kind of thing I 
                         was talking about.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         So, we can definitly do business.

               The Fox Executive leaves the Writer's side, after almost 
               going back in for a second gaze.  He walks behind his desk, 
               and pulls out a ball of yarn and begins to play with it.

                                     WRITER
                         That's great.  I really appreciate 
                         this oppertuinty to make my art.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Two small little suggestions.

               The writer groans and looks toward the Lackey, who's egging 
               him on to ask.

                                     WRITER
                         What are they?

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         First, put some of this awesome yarn 
                         in the ending scene.  Maybe a net 
                         made of yarn...
                              (looks into distance)
                         That would be awesome.
                              (snaps back)
                         And disregard this yarn concept.

               He tosses the yarn over his shoulder.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1 (CONT'D)
                         That's so five seconds ago.
                              (to lackey)
                         Now get me the Olsen Twins on line 
                         five!

                                     LACKEY
                         You do realize there are two of them, 
                         and therefor you'd need two phone 
                         lines.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                         9.


                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Why?  Aren't they conjoined?

                                     LACKEY
                         ... No I don't believe they are.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         I coulda swore they were...
                              (shrugs)
                         Learn something new every day.

               The writer awkwardly begins to inch to the door.

                                     WRITER
                         We're... done here, right?  Because 
                         I feel that staying here more than 
                         five minutes is worse than getting 
                         stuck in an x-ray machine for five 
                         days.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         I love getting X-Rays.  In fact, I 
                         wear lead vests around the house 
                         just for fun.

               The DOOR swings open, and an ACTOR with a GUN walks in, 
               wielding it high.

                                     ACTOR
                         YOU KILLED MY CAREER!

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         I thought it was a sure thing!  How 
                         could Napoleon the Cannibalistic 
                         Greek Bigot lose with a mainstream 
                         audience?!

               The Actor shoots him, square in the chest.  He flies back 
               and out of the room, through the high story window.

               EXT. BOARD ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               The EXECUTIVE lands hard outside on top of a crate of pillows.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1
                         Wow, I fell faster this time.

               He holds up the lead vest, which has shielded him from the 
               bullets.

                                     FOX EXECUTIVE #1 (CONT'D)
                         I wonder why.

               A wide shot reveals that there's a target painted around the 
               crate of pillows.  The pillows is the bulls eye, and there's 
               a huge scoreboard that says "Executives : 50" and "All you 
               other Putz: 0." Some guy is now repainting over the fifty, 
               crossing it out and placing a 1 over the zero.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        10.


               The Executive has now fallen asleep inside the crate of 
               pillows.

               INT. BOARD ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

               The ACTOR, LACKEY, and WRITER are there.

                                     ACTOR
                         Now I don't have any problems with 
                         the lot of you, so if you keep quiet 
                         I won't horribly murder you in your 
                         sleep.

               The Actor walks away, and then returns.

                                     ACTOR (CONT'D)
                         Just had to grab my check.

               He leaves once again out the door.

               He walks back in after an awkward moment.

                                     ACTOR (CONT'D)
                         Did any of you see a glove?  Anyone?  
                         It had blood on it from an earlier... 
                         uhmmm... fence painting contest.
                              (pause)
                         Nothing?  Nowhere?  Well, if it turns 
                         up, call me.

               He leaves again.

               And Comes back.

                                     ACTOR (CONT'D)
                         I realized I didn't leave you my 
                         home phone number and address.  Here, 
                         it's on my 3x5 index card.
                              (Hands it to the Lackey)
                         You'll have to share though.  I ran 
                         out of printer ink last night.

               He leaves finally for the last time.

                                     ACTOR (V.O.) (CONT'D)
                         I didn't even have to press the 
                         elevator button!  What perfect timing.

               The Writer/Lackey remain standing awkward.

                                     LACKEY
                         Welp... that's Hollywood for ya.  
                         WELCOME TO THE FAMILY.

               Slow fade out.